TWELVEMonday morning finally came. i felt like a new person. i decided to be with my own now. i vowed never to fall in love again. but *sigh* it was easier said than done. how could i ever forget about James? he was such a big part of me...i don't have any clue how i'm getting over him. but it hurts so bad, knowing that James has a girlfriend in his life...a fact that he, by the way, never bothered to share with me. during lunch that day at the canteen, i was all by my lonesome in our usual seats. i didn't mind, i was getting used to it by now. but not until James, Bret and Fretzie came and sat down at our table. what a miracle! i thought they were all mad at me.
"Hi Ann! how are you?" Fretzie greeted me first. i replied politely,
"I'm okay, thanks for asking." then it was Bret's turn,
"Hey, we missed you saturday night. we celebrated after our team won." i managed an indifferent answer,
"Oh, really? that's nice. well, i thought you were all angry at me so..." Fretzie interrupted me,
"We weren't mad at you. Ann, you were the one who left us at the game, remember? and kept avoiding us today. but all is okay now, right?" we all nodded at each other and smiled. then, after a few minutes, Fretzie and Bret left, thereby leaving me with James. i was nervous all of a sudden. i didn't know how to act around him now, now that i found out i'm in love with him. James spoke up first,
"Hey Ann, how you doing? where were you sunday night? i called but your mom said you went out."
"I was out...with Ivan..." i saw his expression changed. not wanting to fight, i went on,
"I told him to stop seeing me." James looked amazed at my admission.
"What? why?"
"I uh...well...um...i realized i don't love him." i was stuttering. thankfully, the bell rang...
"There goes the bell, i gotta go James...see ya!" i said as i hurriedly proceeded to my next class.
The next few days passed by like a blur. but i still kept avoiding James as much as i can. i couldn't help it, the fact about him and Devon still did massacre to my insides. i didn't tell anyone about it, not even Fretzie. i was too ashamed to do so. then, on a friday evening in the backyard, i heard my mom calling me,
"Ann, visitor!" who could it be? it must be Ivan, coz usually mom never announces if James comes. for he goes directly inside the house as if it's his second home already. but when i looked up, it was James, standing right in front of me. i forgot how to breathe. we were standing like that, looking at each other and not saying anything for about a minute when finally, he asked,
"Ann, will you go out with me tonight?" should i? i thought to myself as i struggled for a decision. James must have noticed my confusion for he went on,
"Please? i have something important to tell you." and i thought, maybe he was finally telling me about Devon. well, here goes nothing.
"Okay...just let me change first." when we took off, James brought me somewhere, somewhere far. he told me it was a surprise. after about half an hour, we finally arrived at our destination. he asked me to close my eyes.
"Why?" he gave me that dazzling smile again.
"Just trust me, okay?" i smiled back. i hesitated for a moment but finally gave in. he held my hand as he led me to sit on a chair.
"All right, now, you can open your eyes." and when i did, i saw that he brought me to a quiet, high place, overlooking the city. i could see the buildings from afar, with all the lights. it was a beautiful, romantic sight. and then, as he took my hand he fastened a silver chain around my wrist, and i noticed there was something engraved on it. i held it up and i read,
"Can i keep you?" i was speechless. i looked up and saw James gazing intently at me.
"James...i---i don't know what to say...i'm confused...what does this mean?" James held my hand and placed it on his chest. i could feel his heart, beating as hard as mine.
"Ann, that's what i've been trying to tell you for years. it's only now that i found the courage to tell you. i thought about telling you early on, but i couldn't...coz i was afraid i'd lose you as a friend. and then Ivan came along. i felt worse coz i thought i had lost you for good. i wrote you that song, hoping you would realize how i felt, but you didn't..."
"James, i didn't know about Ivan..." James nodded.
"It hurt...seeing you falling for him. i know you already know he's my half brother. we hate each other, even when we were still kids, he was my rival at everything---my dad's attention, basketball, and finally, you. i couldn't accept it. i didn't know what to do. but when i found out you weren't seeing him anymore, i had to try. it was now or never." wow, no one has ever made me feel this way, not even Ivan...but one thing was still bothering me.
"But what happened to Devon? i saw you two kissing in the halls." James explained,
"Devon was there for me, during the time when we weren't talking. she became a good friend...I kissed her coz i was thankful for her friendship. that's it. but i didn't know she was gonna kiss me back, that way. i was even shocked myself. but only if you looked a little further, you would have seen that i pushed her away when she kissed me, and after that told her it's only you, that's right here..." he was pointing to his heart. and continued,
"All these years, it's been you, Ann...and it will always be you. remember the song? i'd rather be anywhere, but here without you. i love you!" i held back the tears in my eyes. i hugged him then. and whispered,
"Hey James?"
"Yes, Ann?"
"I love you, too!" There! so much for playing hard to get! i finally told him how i felt. he looked at me intently, he came closer until his forehead touched mine. then his lips touched mine very lightly, and after a moment i was kissing him back, with all my heart. it was like, the world was swaying, and we were the only people left in it. everything was perfect, i didn't want the night to end.
