"anywhere but here"

EIGHT

Moments later, i saw a car heading for our driveway. i thought it was mom's but it was a different one. as i approached it, i found out it was Ivan's car. when he got out, he was bringing a bouquet of white roses and chocolates. i thought it was very sweet of him. but a small, teeny weeny part of me wasn't pleased, maybe coz his approach was so common. but i set those thoughts aside.

"Hi Ann, these are for you. beautiful flowers for a beautiful girl." he announced as i accepted the gifts.

"Oh thank you Ivan, but what's the occasion?"

"Nothing. i just want to give you these. coz you're special to me, and i want to make you feel special." he said sheepishly.

"Really? i'm flattered. thanks again. come on in." i led him inside the house.

"Make yourself at home, okay?" i spoke casually. i was a bit nervous coz we were alone and i didn't know what to do. my confident facade was crumbling each second. he sat on the left side of our couch so i sat on the opposite side and pretended to be reading a magazine. he moved and came closer. i could smell his cologne. he looked like he just stepped out from the shower. we were silent for a few minutes, then finally, he said,

"So, you're home alone?" i gulped.

"Yeah..uh...mom is out with her pals." what's wrong with me? a cat got my tongue? to my dismay, Ivan came closer until we were side by side. i shivered a little.

"Ann Li, are you okay? you're not scared of me, are you?"

"Of course i am okay! and i'm not scared! why should i be?" i asked as i met his intense gaze. he leaned forward and held my chin with his hand and suddenly kissed me, a kiss that lasted for only a second. i pulled away.

"Ivan, don't..." i expected to feel this tingling sensation inside but instead, i felt that somehow, it wasn't right. why? i like Ivan a lot, i was falling in love with him, so why do i feel like it was wrong? after our kiss he moved back and confessed,

"Ann, i think...i'm falling in love with you." i blushed. i couldn't think of any response so i simply smiled. for about an hour we just watched TV. and after that he went home coz according to him, he had early practice tomorrow. they were nearing the championships so training was getting a little hectic. i felt relieved. when he left, i wasn't in the mood to go inside yet so i stayed in the backyard again. guess who came, James!

"James, hi! i'm so happy you're here!" am i okay? i sounded a little desperate. but thankfully, James didn't seem to notice.

"Hi Ann! i bought pizza and i thought i'd share it with you. and hey, i want to let you hear the new song i made." i noticed then that he brought his acoustic guitar with him. we used to do a lot of duets when we were younger. and every Christmas we and together with some other pals go around the neighborhood and sing Christmas carols together. i find myself yearning for those times.

"Oh, i'd love that. let's go inside." i told him to sit on the couch while i got sodas from the fridge. when i went back in the living room, i saw that Ivan's flowers were still on the side table. and i took note of James' frown when he gazed at it. or was it just my imagination? we started eating soon after that awkward moment. then he sang his new song entitled "anywhere but here." and when i started hearing it, i wished the night would never end...

(to the reader: please listen to safetysuit's 'anywhere but here' as you read the lyrics. so you will capture the moment)

Is this the end of the moment
Or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be?
Or maybe be
Everything that I never thought could happen
Or ever come to pass and
I wonder
If maybe
Maybe I could be
All you ever dreamed, cause you are

Beautiful inside
So lovely and I
Can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you
I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you

Is this a natural feeling
Or is it just me bleeding
All my thoughts and dreams
In hope that you will be with me or
Is this a moment to remember
Or just a cold day in December?
I wonder
If maybe
Maybe I could be
All you ever dreamed, cause you are

Beautiful inside
So lovely and I
Can't see why I'd do anything without you, you are
And when I'm not with you
I know that it's true
That I'd rather be anywhere but here without you...

Is this the end of the moment
Or just a beautiful unfolding
Of a love that will never be
For you and me?

After the last chord, James gazed at me. and i looked at him. we stayed that way for a good one minute, just staring at each other. i couldn't describe how i was feeling that exact moment. when i finally found my voice, i said,

"James, that was very beautiful...i don't know what to say..." he smiled shyly as he gave his reply,

"Really? well, i'm glad you liked it. it's for someone special..." but then he saw the flowers again. and just like that, the spellbinding moment was gone.

"Are those from Ivan?" i really didn't wanna talk about Ivan in that very instant but before i managed an answer, James continued,

"You love him, don't you? man, he sure is lucky..." i was about to deny that but James suddenly stood up and gathered his things.

"James, are you all right? is something bothering you? please, tell me...i'm your best friend." he paused and after getting his guitar, motioned for me to usher him outside. he said,

"Yes, you are my best friend...and i always will be yours...thanks for tonight Ann. it made me see things clearly now..." not quite understanding his words, i stated,

"You're welcome...and thanks too...that song was perfect...like i said over and over, you'll be a famous singer one day, sell a million copies of your album and have trillions of fans...and i'll be left at the sidelines, lucky if i could get a glimpse of you or two." he laughed at my comment.

"Ann Li, catching a glimpse of me at the sidelines??? i find that hard to believe..." he started walking down the street, when i called out to him,

"Why do you find that hard to believe?" James, about ten meters away from me, replied,

"Don't you see, i'll always be the one catching a glimpse of you...whatever i do or wherever i go, i'd see you..." then he turned and left me standing there in the cold night---dazed...and confused. i finally went to my room after he was out of sight. what a long day! it was tiring, but James' pizza made it more meaningful...and his song made it perfect. his presence does that to me, makes me happy. right before sleeping i saw a picture frame of me and James on my dresser. we were really pals, and he'll forever be special to me. i took the picture, placed it on my bed side table after i gave it a kiss.